The Ceremony We Built: Queer Love, Community, and the Cornish Countryside

By Teigist Taye

Last autumn, I had the pleasure of witnessing the marriage of two dear friends: Pippa and Jay.

It was a beautiful weekend, set against the backdrop of the Cornish countryside, where we camped, ate, danced, and wept before one of the most beautiful, intentional ceremonies I have ever had the pleasure of attending. After the wedding, I sat down with them to discuss planning an event that felt authentic, navigating tradition as a queer couple, and the vital role of community.

This conversation has been edited for clarity.

Tiggy: When you started planning your wedding, what values or priorities guided you?

Jay: Authentic, we always wanted it to be authentic. We wanted it to be in nature, just because that's a massive part of who we are. We like the open space, being outside, kind of like hippies.

Pippa: I wanted it to feel like a real love connection rather than like “and here we are ladies and gentlemen, la di da..” I didn't want all of the structure. I wanted it to feel like you're observing a real loving moment.

Jay: We wanted it to be like, if you imagine an apple crumble, and then you go to a restaurant and they're like, “this is deconstructed apple crumble”, it's still that, but in a different way. There's still the traditions in a certain way, but there's something different about it, and it's very us.

Pippa: So then we kind of picked and chose the traditions that we wanted to be part of. For me, I always knew that I love fashion and clothes and fabric and all that and I was so sure that I wanted a proper outfit made for me. That was a big thing for me that I wanted to fulfill. And then I feel like for you, you wanted the food. We also wanted it to feel like an event, like the drama of it, that you were part of something. Kind of like how you do when you go to a festival, that you're taken on this journey. We wanted everyone to be torn out of their normality and into another realm.

Tiggy: Where did you take wedding inspiration from?

Pippa: I feel like there was a few bits and bobs of inspiration. There was definitely, having obviously gone to lots of traditional weddings, lots of things that we didn't want to do that we'd seen. So that it was kind of like anti-inspiration, a lot of that. And then we've been on the internet and read articles and seen stuff and been like, okay, here's things we do want to do. So yeah, I feel like inspiration came more from our motivations and values around it than it did from other people or other things.

Jay: Exactly, and our lifestyle. Obviously it was a vegan wedding—it was always gonna be a vegan wedding because that's just how we live on a day-to-day basis.

Tiggy: What is the choice, big or small, that you are most proud of?

Jay: I loved our vows. I really, really enjoyed reading my vows to you and the time that I took to just be open. I just loved that part. I'm trying to dig into the reasons why, but just airing my love for you in detail in front of everybody. It felt really empowering. So yeah, I'm really happy that we did that, and the fact that it was outside as well.

Pippa: Yeah that's mine too as well. We always wanted to get married outside, which is actually very hard in the UK. And we always knew we didn't want to have a venue that other people had because every time we saw these venues it gave us heebie jeebies, because it felt like cookie-cutter weddings, and it made us feel like we don't belong there because we obviously are not straight, and both white, and stuff. The cookie-cutter weddings weren't made for us. We always felt like they made us feel othered, and so having it in an environment that no one else really has had as their wedding venue, and having it in a way that isn't “usual” was a way for us to feel not othered and like we owned it, we owned how it ran.

Jay: It was also important that the vows overlooked the sea because the sea is something that is a massive theme in our relationship, so to have to have that moment overlooking the sea.

Pippa: The sunset as well, just nature, the experiencing layers of nature in that space. And so what is the choice, big or small, that I’m most proud of? It's probably taking a massive risk to get married on a cliffside in the middle of September in the UK hoping that it would be okay weather for that to happen.

Tiggy: Marriage and weddings are steeped in so much tradition—much of which is misogynistic (such as fathers “giving away” their daughters), heteronormative, and rooted in religion. How did you decide which traditions to keep and which to break from?

Jay: We chose quite early on that we wanted to walk down the aisle together. There's been some issues that have happened in my life where I haven't been accepted, so it was very important to break that tradition and just walk down together.

Pippa: Yeah, I think we decided to do that way before we even decided to get married, didn't we? And then that kind of informed some of our other choices. What were the other ones? Also the wedding party. We decided to try and make it non-hierarchical as much as possible. We didn't have a traditional wedding party in special outfits. No bridesmaids, because we wanted to honor the fact that everyone around us is of equal importance to us in different ways. And that we were a community coming together to make something together, every single person. So you're not a spectator or a participant, everyone's participating.

And then also, the officiant speech. Which was amazing. We went into a lot of detail in planning the speech that she would do and choosing the way that we would marry the words that would be used so that they felt true and unending because usually they're about God.

Jay: We met up with Olive (the officiant), and it was like delving into an essay, wasn't it? We went through each word and made sure that they felt right, and that was really important because that made us quite excited. That was quite performative, like theatrical, wasn't it?

Pippa: Yeah and we wanted it to be. Olive understood that from day one and worked with us to make it feel special. We obviously knew most of that speech but then there's bits that she had saved and not told us, so that we would have moments in it where we were being pulled along with her as well.

Then, also on the participatory quality of the wedding, Olive did this thing at the start of the speech where she got everyone to say “we do” to support us. When we heard you lot all go “we do,” that was our cue to walk down the aisle, and so it felt really empowering to hear all your friends and family say they'll be there for you before you go down the aisle.

Jay: We felt very supported.

Tiggy: One of the most striking photos was your entrance together down the spiral aisle. Can you tell us a bit more about your entrance, the intention behind it, and the aisle design?

Pippa: One of the things that we really wanted to get rid of, going back to trying to make it non-hierarchical, was getting rid of the traditional aisle and having a spiral instead, so that we passed every single person before we got to the middle. That was to honour the importance of everyone and the fact that you've all made such big journeys to be there. Sometimes you go to those sorts of weddings where it's rows and you might sit at the back or whatever and then the day's so busy you won't even speak to the brides at all, and we didn't want that. We wanted it to feel really warm and cosy and involved, so that's where the spiral came in.

And then the flowers—we didn't have any traditional flowers, we didn't have floral displays or bouquets as such, and for lots of reasons. One of them being we didn't want to spend the money on it. It was a bit cost saving and then we decided that—hang on a minute—what if we had people bring things to help with the wedding so that they feel even more involved?

So we asked everyone to bring things like a candle—the candles were for the dining table to decorate it, so we didn't decorate the dining tables ourselves, our guests did. And then we asked everyone to bring a flower and as we walked around the spiral aisle, everyone gave us a flower each, and then by the time we were in the middle, they were our bouquets. They were really beautiful actually, and then they got laid around us in a circle.

Jay: Yeah, and it went so much better than expected. It looked amazing. It felt amazing as well, and you got to engage with every single person.

Pippa: I think what it comes down to is that we wanted it to feel like a community situation. That's something that's important to us. Especially being queer, your community, your chosen community is so important and we wanted that to be expressed at our wedding.

Pippa: We can talk a bit about the music, too, because that was really intentional for us as well.

Jay: I spent a lot of time before the wedding meeting with my friends who sang us down the aisle.

Pippa: Yeah that was a surprise for me really, wasn't it? We chose it together. But then I hadn't heard it. You were like, “No, let it be a surprise.” So I hadn't heard them singing the song, which was Collide. That song's always been a bit of our life as well. There's a line in it—that will get me emotional now—that says like, “everyone's got opinions on our thing.” It gets us every time, because we've obviously been through that. And it's hard, and it's true. So I felt like we wanted that level of honesty in that moment.

Tiggy: How did it feel to see your vision come to life on the day of the wedding?

Jay: There was a mix of emotions. There were some stressful family situations leading up to it, which was distracting. The sun was shining, which added to the festival-like atmosphere we had envisioned. The food was incredible, and it was amazing to have all our friends there, filling the space with love and laughter. One of the highlights was our friend’s DJ set, which brought the perfect energy to the celebration and had everyone dancing. Despite the challenges, the day was filled with joy, music, and a real sense of togetherness—it felt like our own little festival of love.

Tiggy: Any advice you would give to other couples looking to plan a wedding that feels authentic to themselves?

Pippa: Our biggest advice would be to stay true to what you want for your wedding, especially as a queer couple. There may be family pressures, opinions, or traditions that don’t align with your vision, but remember it’s your day, your love, and your celebration.

I would plan ahead where you can, but don’t stress over perfection, things will unfold in their own way. If there are difficult family dynamics, set boundaries early to protect your peace. Surround yourself with the people who truly support and uplift you.

Most importantly, focus on the moments that matter: your vows, your partner, and the love you’re sharing. The little things won’t feel as important when you’re standing there together, making that commitment. Make it a day that reflects you as a couple, unapologetically.

Follow their love story @fillyandjaytime on instagram!